JAG - Maple Airways

"Maple Airways"

Author: Haruo Chikamori

E-mail: hchikamori

Rating: T

Classification: Harm/Mac R; Animal/Meg R

Spoilers:

Author's note:

DISCLAIMER: The characters Harm Rabb, Jr., Sarah "Mac" Mackenzie, Meg Austin, AJ Chegwidden, Bud Roberts, Harriet Sims-Roberts et al. belong (in concept if not name) to CBS/Bellisarius. Animal and all OC characters are the property of the author. No profit is being made from this story, nor is any infringement intended.

Summary: Harm and Animal retire; and their wives get a major headache due to yet another cockamamie idea from Animal.

Meg and Animal's House, Richmond, VA

"Are you two out of your ever-loving minds?" Sarah "Mac" Mackenzie-Rabb exploded at Harm.

Megan Renee Austin-Nakamura sighed as she sat back in her seat. She'd had this conversation two weeks earlier with her own husband who was sitting beside her as Harm got grilled by his wife.

Harm was reaching the age where he was undecided on whether to re-up for another six years to finish up his 40 years and maximize his pension but instead had wanted to get out of the Navy and do something else for a change. Of course, Harm and her husbands' genius (and that was being exceedingly generous) minds came up with this spectacular idea. Meg thought it was producing some pretty "spectacular" fireworks out of Sarah Mackenzie-Rabb.

Animal, on the other hand, had decided to turn in his papers. At 62, Admiral Toshio "Animal" Nakamura was at the very pinnacle of his career and he knew he had to exit stage-left for others to have any hope of advancing in their careers. For him it was time to vacate his position as the highest ranking officer in the United States Navy and look for other opportunities in the world. But then of course he had to come up with this cockamamie idea.

"Just where do you think we have the funds to license a business jet?" Mac fumed.

Harm looked at his friend, the one who taught him to fly the F-14, who'd been his flight lead over Iraq during the First Gulf War; who had been his friend through thick and thin over the past thirty five years ever since RAG. "Yeah, I don't think she's going for it."

"I don't think Frank would go for it either, Harm." Meg told him. His step-father was more conservative with his money and wouldn't back a fledgling enterprise, especially one that was started on "a wing and a prayer".

"Didn't Frank move to Hamilton? To become head of Chrysler Canada?"

Mac was starting to feel a vein pulse in her forehead.

"I know a guy in Hamilton who can get us a lead on an ex-Air Canada CRJ-700." Animal grinned at Harm with a beatific look. Meg thought he looked entirely too innocent for his own good. According to her beloved husband, a CRJ-700 wasn't a business jet, it was a miniature airliner capable of seating 68 passengers.

Mac rolled her eyes. "Holy Mother of Christ", she uttered rolling her eyes and wondering just how in the conceivable nine levels of Dante's purgatory her husband's friend was able to come up with this screwball idea. "Are you kidding me?", then wondered if she really wanted to ask that question because in sadistic answer to that particular rhetorical question, Animal came up with this:

"No. If we can get this venture off the ground. It's the perfect retirement business for all of us. You two could take care of the business end of things and Harm and I could fly customers from point A to point B. I'm Captain and Harm gets to be First Officer."

"What do you mean YOU get to be Captain?" Harm objected.

"I'm senior in rank to you."

"But we'll be civilians." Harm grumbled.

"You rated on heavies?" Animal retorted.

"No."

"Then I'm Captain."

"No fair!"

"I feel like I'm in a preschool trying to mediate to toddlers fighting over a toy.". Mac growled rolling her eyes and giving a look of helpless supplication to Meg.

"You get that feeling too?" Meg asked wryly, "because I was getting the same feeling when my husband came up with this idea a week ago."

Mac looked at her as if to say he came up with this a week ago and you didn't nip this one in the bud?

Meg shrugged; in actual fact, with rates of air charters easily exceeding $1400 a seat they could easily make $95K a flight minus the $25000 for fuel costs $3500 for ramp fees. And $1500 for landing fees at a major international airport and that was each time they landed or took off. And if they could do six flights a day. They could easily do $420K a day in income. All they needed was a home airport to fly out of. She did however wonder if Tosh had actually done some research on how much it would actually cost to hangar a CRJ-700.

"And just where the hell would we be living?" Mac asked irately. She had counted on being able to retire to the Arizona desert so she could hunt dinosaur bones.

"Ever heard of the Alberta Badlands?" Animal grinned. For a Yank he'd done his research. "I hear they got plenty of dinosaurs. Especially if you're looking for a T-Rex.".

Mac raised an eyebrow, now her interest was whetted. "Really?" She asked as Animal nodded. Maybe she could realize her life-long dream of digging up a Tyrannosaurus femur.

"It's just a quick one hour hop on an Air Canada flight to Calgary from YVR." Animal informed her, "...which, by the way, is where we'd be living, provided we can find affordable lodgings in Richmond...BC, that is, not Virginia."

Mac rubbed her chin and gazed at Harm, "Y'know...maybe this might be do-able."

"Although you might want to wear snake gloves and snake-boots while dinosaur hunting in the Badlands." Animal thought to mention.

Harm was frantically doing a wave-off signal at him as Meg winced. "There's prairie rattlers in the area.".

Mac exploded, "oh for fuck sakes!".

Two days later

Animal grinned at his friend. "Well, I knew the dinosaur bones were going to get your wife on our side."

"That was a big risk you took with the prairie rattlesnakes. She hates snakes."

"I didn't want her to get bit, y'know." Animal grinned. "Wouldn't want to cheat Crayola out of their biggest customer."

"Oh, that's mean."

"Inter-service rivalries, Harm..they call us a taxi service. So I'm just givin' it back to them." Animal grinned. After Harm's hitch on the Allegiance as the DCAG. Animal had dragged him kicking and screaming off the boat, tacked a star on each collar and told him to over-see his staff. So Harm had finally become a flag officer as a one-star Rear Admiral.

"So I'm headed down to BuPers to hand in my terminal separation papers. Then I have a month to go before I can dump this uniform." He'd done the three year hitch which would allow him to keep his star when he retired. "What about you, sir?" Harm and Animal were walking down the halls of the Pentagon E-Ring.

"The President elected to keep me in for one more year last year and he hasn't said anything about keeping me on again this year so I'm out now too, in a month, that is.", He informed his friend. Animal's three thin stripes above his thick one contrasted greatly with Harm's one thick Rear Admiral (lower half) stripe.

"Never thought 40 years ago I'd be looking back on a career exit as a one-star.".

"Be grateful you have that." Animal said looking over at his longtime friend and fellow officer. "Your happy little coin-toss should have kept you at terminal Commander let alone a Captain after refusing to go to London. You know how much I had to rake the coals over the promotion boards and Congress to at least get you one?"

Harm nodded. He knew just how much his superior officer had gone to bat for him to be able to retire as a flag officer and he appreciated every bit of it

Animal pointed at his own top-most ribbon and sardonically commented. "At least this came in good for something other than a dog and pony show.". He was right, Harm thought, that sky-blue ribbon with stars drew a lot of looks. His friend looked thoughtful for a few moments. "The only thing I'll miss being in DC is being able to see my bird at Steven Udvar-Hazy. Daughter is going to come with us but that's only for a few years then she's off to Annapolis and then doing her own service.". Animal's retired Black Aces F-14A Tomcat was in the Steven P. Udvar-Hazy Center an offshoot of the National Air and Space Museum.

Harm grinned, "Is Katie not planning to continue with hockey?"

Animal shook his head, "Not much call for female hockey players professionally" he said, "Katie knows that her future is with the Navy and making sure that her career prospects are good."

"So what does she plan to do with her Navy career.".

"Fly fighters like her old man." Animal grinned at him and I have no doubt she'll make it." He looked over wryly at Harm, "though it will be a rough commute for her to come up and see us now that Meg and I will be living in Canada." Animal chuckled, "...as will her godfather and godmother"

Harm said resolutely, "So should we start looking up realtors in the Vancouver/Richmond area and see what we can find."

"Yeah. A month will go by pretty quick." And we'll be out sooner than we know." his friend nodded looking over at Harm

Harm grinned. Out of all his Navy buddies; none of his Academy buddies were still a part of his family and friends circle any more. Luke was dead; Sturgis had betrayed him, and God knows where the hell Keeter had fucked off to. The only constant buddy he'd had was Animal,. A man he considered his brother, his mentor and a protector since their days flying over Iraq during Operation Southern Watch with the Howlers. In fact Luke, he and Animal had flown together in the Howlers during Iraq. Animal, being a Lieutenant Commander at the time, was in fact flight lead owing to his extensive experience in the Tomcat and always managed to get them back safely.

In fact; a month went by very quickly and change of command and retirement ceremonies were a whirlwind of events. Meg's brimming eyes watched her husband clad in dress whites and shoulder-boards, Medal of Honor draped around his neck, saluting his command as they all stood respecting his service and his now retirement. How much she loved him. From the moment she'd met him on the TR during the MOH investigation, he'd been her one constant in life. A son and a daughter later and twenty-five years of marriage and they were still deeply in love.

A week later Harm was standing on the same podium, his friends Animal and Meg and Harm's wife Mac, were there watching as he finally called it a career. Mac noted just how hard it was for Harm to give up what had defined him for nearly thirty-six years. The gold-gilded shoulder-boards that defined Harm's rank of Rear Admiral (lower half) glinted in the sunlight.

Mac knew she wasn't going to make Brigadier General or even Colonel at this rate. And with her own retirement looming in another five years, she opted to spend the rest of her life being Harm's wife. Working on their relationship was the most important part of their marriage to her. So she handed in her terminal leave papers a year previous to Harm's retirement and now she was Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie-Rabb, (retired), wife of Rear Admiral (lower half) Harmon Rabb Jr; finally taking the plunge and deciding that each deserved better than the push-me-away; push-you-away relationship they'd had for the past twenty-four years They decided to get married at the justice of the peace with their only witnesses being Bud, Harriet, Jen, AJ, Animal and Meg. It was good enough. After the fall-out of the Straits of Malacca, Sturgis was not invited. Neither Harm nor Mac wanted anything to do with him. As best man, Bud nearly forgot the ring. And as it was it was a civil ceremony to remember.

And then finally a morning dawned when there were no more commitments and they were all finally able to breathe a sigh of relief and say that they would be able to finally put their homes up for sale and make the move that they had been planning on for so long .

"Hey, John." Animal was out looking at things needed to equip their fledgling airline and wincing at the costs to update onboard life-saving gear for 68 passengers and six cabin crew; four of which they would have to hire and decided to call on the sales rep for Foster Air Systems and Sales, the rep who had the CRJ-700 up for sale.

"So are you ready to move on this CRJ?" John Kaszjdik, salesman of used aircraft asked.

"Yeah, I think so as soon as we clear up the final qualifications for Mr. Rabb here so that he has second seat. I need a qualified right hand seat in the CRJ. It's not a plane for one man to fly."

"OK. Well, we've got her here and she's all ready for you to take your check-ride on her. So you're saying your co-pilot is getting his rating?"

"Yeah he needs his multi-engine airline transport pilot's rating." Animal grinned. "But he's getting the simulator hours in. So he should be ready to go in a week's time.".

"That's good to hear.". John Kaszjdik's voice sounded relieved. That was a big sale that was going to come in; it was going to be at least $2.6M and the aircraft was in good solid condition. New CRJ-700s sold for over $24.9M so the former Admiral was getting a steal of a bargain on this.

Animal sighed, a shade of apprehension creeping into his voice. Holy hell, this was going to eat into a lot of their savings. With some astute investments, Animal had managed to amass savings of over $25M. However the cost of trying to start a fledgling charter business was going to be a tough slog especially when someone was competing with the big airlines.

Back home at their house, Meg was already rolling her eyes at catering costs and dealing with sixty-eight meals per flight and refreshments; both drinks and alcohol. This most definitely was not her idea of a relaxing retirement.

In one fell swoop she had donned the mantle of Executive Vice President of Maple Airways (the patriotically Canadian name, for their new adopted homeland, they had laid claim to by filing from Washington DC with the British Columbia Business Licensing Branch). Meg was sure that evoked some very strange commentary from those who had been a part of licensing their business which was scheduled to start operation as soon as the CRJ-700's main mounts touch the runway of YVR coming into land.

In the meantime. Harm, Mac, Animal and Meg were steadily packing the contents of their homes into a manner in which they would be able to fit into the cargo section of their CRJ-700. It would be a long flight to YVR with only three family members in the cabin.

Jamie was already commissioned as a Navy Ensign working as a legal aide in the Judge Advocate General Corps. He found his eyesight was not the best and it had hit hard that he wasn't going to be able to fly fighters like his dad and Uncle Harm.

Animal and Meg had sat him down and told their son that any profession within the United States Navy was an honorable profession and that he could look at becoming a legal officer like Mom. It was a profession that translated well to the civilian world and would bring him lots of money on the outside if he chose not to stay in the Navy.

And Mac was their legal department while both their husbands jaunted around Canada with their shiny "used" toy leaving their wives to take care of everything. If things went better, they might be able to buy another aircraft or two and hire another few crews to man the airplanes.

But until then they would be kicking tooth and eke out market share in the highly competitive airline industry. It would be an uphill battle for several years until they were able to get their share of the passengers.

Mac was looking over all the legalities needed to set up a ticketing system to keep track of their customers and discussing matters with Transport Canada on how to set up such systems at check-in. Meg could see that by this time Mac was rolling her eyes in frustration.

"And I thought dealing with the NTSB was bad.". Mac let out an impatient growl.

"What's bad, honey?" Mac gritted her teeth as she heard her husband's voice ask the question.

"You and your friend's cockamamie idea, that's what! You know how much of a headache this dealing with Transport Canada is. All the hoops we're having to jump through with regards to operating an air carrier in Canada?!"

"Uh...no..." Harm gave his wife an innocent wide-eyed look and Mac nearly let out a frustrated scream. Harm looked over at his best friend, "uh. Animal, my Spidey-sense tells me my wife doesn't like you very much right now."

Animal looked at Harm with a sarcastic expression, "Ya think?"

Two weeks later, Hamilton, ON

"Pre-takeoff checks."

"Auxiliary turbine - check."

"Right engine start."

"Spooling up. 45 percent power."

"Ignite left engine."

"Spooling up to 45 percent."

"Charlie Echo Foxtrot six eight Niner. Taxi Alpha to Echo".

"Roger Echo Foxtrot Six Eight Niner. Taxi Alpha to Echo. Pushing back from terminal."

"Roger that Echo Foxtrot Six Eight Niner. Hold short Runway two seven left. You have a DH Dash 7 coming in"

"Copy, holding short Runway two seven left for inbound DH Dash 7. Echo Foxtrot six eight Niner."

Animal moved the throttles forward to hold short of turning onto Runway 27L. Even the long tube of the CRJ-700 vibrated with the sound of the turboprops as the DeHavilland Dash 7 came into land. And reversed the blades so that it provided braking power on its landing roll.

Animal and Harm had gotten their ATPs through Transport Canada and were now rated as Canadian airline pilots. It would be a far different experience than flying a US Navy fighter jet off a carrier.

"Tower to Echo Foxtrot six eight Niner. Cleared to proceed onto Runway Two Seven Left, Departure Vector Two Three Six. Level 26. Winds south east 15 knots., Direct to US ATC. Channel 3-6. Have a good day."

"Copy Transmission: Cleared to proceed onto Runway Two Seven Left, Departure Vector Two Three Six. Level 26. Winds south east 15 knots., Direct to US ATC. Channel 3-6. Thank you Hamilton Tower. Echo Foxtrot Six Eight Niner out."

Lining up onto the center-line of the runway, Animal eased the throttles forward on the center panel with his right hand; left on the flight control yoke.

"Rolling" Animal uttered as the CRJ started its take-off roll.

Harm nodded, "Airspeed 60knots, 70, 80,. 100. 120.

"V1" Decision time. "Airspeed is live. V2..."

Pulling back on the yoke, Animal felt it go light on the wheels. "Rotate." And he could feel the wheels leave the runway. As soon as he got fifty feet in altitude, he said to Harm, "gear" as Harm reached for the gear-up lever.

Harm reported, "Gear up" as soon as he heard the wheels thunk into their wheel-wells and saw the lights come on.

Animal could see the altimeter wind up slowly all the way to twenty six thousand feet almost ten minutes later and that would be their flight level for two hours as they flew towards DC.

"This is driving a cargo hauler." Harm said as he looked over at his friend. In the Tomcat and the Hornet it had taken less than twenty seconds from takeoff to thirty thousand on max reheat. In the CRJ it had taken ten minutes to get up to twenty six thousand feet cruising altitude. But they were ex-military now, no more hopping into fighter jets and tripping the light fantastic or breaking the sound barrier. Every flight now would be a long boring cruise with an equally boring climb to and descent from altitude.

"Yeah..." Yawned Animal. "Think we shoulda gone into the airshow industry instead?"

"A little too late for that, Animal."

"Feel comfortable with the controls? I need to go get myself a soda.".

"Sure couldn't do that in the F-14, could we?".

Animal chuckled as he unbuckled, "Your airplane, Hammer."

"Right, my airplane" Harm said as he took over the flight controls.

Two Hours Later

15 minutes out of Dulles they started letting down from twenty six thousand feet. "Charlie Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner. Dulles Control. Vector Two Eight Seven. Contact Tower at three six eight. Over."

"Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner to Dulles Control, copy Vector Two Eight Seven, Contact Tower at three six eight." Animal dialed in the heading with the heading knob. Then switched the radio to channel 368. Harm still had control. He and Animal were taking turns on the flight as to who needed to grab a snack or go to the washroom. Once again he thought one sure couldn't do that in a fighter jet.

The landing was going to be in inclement weather and Animal had the wipers going as they made their final approach to Runway 63R.

"Gear down." Harm said. "Locked"

The altitude indicators on the final approach sounded off.

"100...50,40,30...10"

The wheels hit the paved runway smoothly.

"Retard, retard.".

"Did the airplane just insult you? Animal?" Harm grinned at his friend.

Animal pulled the brake levers to slow the CRJ-700's landing roll. Thinking a moment, he said "Maybe. But something tells me it's French for brake." He grinned at Harm.

"OK. Where do we park this thing and get it ready to load our stuff onto the aircraft. We have an immigration permit to start a business and we need to take advantage of it in three weeks or it'll take another year to apply all over.". Harm said.

Animal nodded. They could park it by the south terminal gate so that they could load up all the furniture. And get it netted down so it wouldn't shift which could be disastrous.

It was large in comparison to a business jet. It was nearly as long if not as thick as a B737 and the wings were nearly as long. In fact it looked like a smaller McDonnell Douglas DC-9 which had capacity of 96 passengers. So not much more than the CRJ-700.

Parking the CRJ-700 wasn't a bad exercise in taxiing. However realizing they needed to rent a ladder truck to get off the aircraft was a bit of a cold shower realization. The mini-airliner like all airliners did not come with an equipped ladder. So that would be an additional rental expenditure unless they chose to buy their own which would end up being at least a $250,000 expense cost and asset as ladder trucks for airlines were custom built.

Walking down the ladder truck, Harm and Animal looked at each other. "yeah we need to take into account everything we need for this airline of ours.". It was eye-opening; the cost of the logistics to start this airline; from the mechanics to the trucks and other things needed to get an aircraft loaded and ready to fly plus ladder-trucks (did they need two of them, front and rear exit doors) or would they rent space at a jetway to load passengers directly from the terminal? These were all questions that needed to be answered in any case.

Meg and Mac were standing by the fence line waiting for their husbands. Their eyes were wide. They hadn't realized just how big the CRJ-700 really was. It was, as Animal had stated, an airliner. And Animal had stuffed $2.6M of their hard earned life-savings into this enormous jet. This airline idea has better fly, Meg hoped.

"You said this was a small airliner." Mac's jaw looked like it was about to hit the ground. "That thing is enormous." She complained to her husband and then looked over at Animal. "just where the heck do you think we're going to hangar that thing?"

"We'll just rent a hangar." Animal said way too blithely. "Harm can park his Stearman in the corner of the hangar so the cold doesn't get to her."

Harm added cheerfully. "It really only gets cold two, maybe three times in the Fraser Valley in winter." He grinned. "I did some research" he looked absolutely pleased with himself. "So Sarah should be fine."

"Well, we need to baby that fabric-covered rattle-trap." Animal said. Harm looked insulted. "...or Harm will whine.".

"Heyyyy!"

"Yeah, it's a death-trap." Animal aimed a look at Harm. "I upped my life insurance since the last time he offered to take me up in that thing."

"See if I ever take you up again."

Animal raised his hands to the sky in supplication. "If he doesn't take me up again in that cloth-covered deathtrap for as long as I live..." He paused melodramatically and exclaimed, "Thank you, Lord Jesus, my prayers have been answered.".

Harm's expression was like an insulted bullfrog.

Three days later

Rummaging around in the cargo section of the CRJ, Harm said, "There, I think everything that we don't have in-flight cargo containers for has been secured with netting and the plane has been balanced out." They'd had to buy several cargo containers costing several thousand dollars apiece that fit the airliner's cargo compartments where they fit in everything that could be shoved in and they tightened down everything that couldn't so that it wouldn't shift mid-flight. They strategically set about making sure that the stuff that couldn't go into containers was blocked off by the containers that were locked so that it couldn't move around at all.

"Are you two still puttering around in there?" Mac's voice was heard at the entrance to the cargo section of the CRJ-700.

"Yup, just doing final checks to make sure every thing is locked down. You remember that 747-200 that crashed on take-off out of Bagram?" Animal asked.

"Yeah?" Mac asked quizzically as she stuck her head up into the cargo well.

"We don't want that happening when we pull up out of here, now do we?" Animal saw her turn pale.

"Take your time." Mac said weakly; the color draining out of her face: what Animal could see of her face was sheet white, which for Mac who was tanned near olive complexion was remarkable, and her head disappeared out of the cargo section of the plane.

Meg poked her head in the cargo well about ten minutes later and shot an arch look at her husband, "Honey, you're evil. Mac says she's thinking about taking the bus."

Animal and Harm looked at each other.

"No, Animal, she's not taking Greyhound." giving his former CO a stern look.

"I didn't say anything." Animal shrugged but the expression on his face caused Meg Austin-Nakamura to give her husband an elbow-nudge to the stomach as he stepped out of the aircraft.

"Ow!" Animal complained.

"Then stop scaring the poor Marine. You're going to tarnish the Corps' reputation." Meg admonished.

Katie asked her father, "so Dad, when do we jet outta here?".

"In about six hours. When Uncle Harm and I are satisfied that everything's good. And when Mom finishes prying Auntie Mac off the ceiling. OW!" that last earned Animal yet another elbow to the midsection from his beloved wife.

Meg explained to her daughter while affixing a dark expression at her husband, "Auntie Mac doesn't like flying and Daddy scared her."

"Bad Daddy." Katie raised a reproachful eyebrow at her Dad.

Six Hours Later

As the sun sat at around the 1500 hrs mark, Harm and Animal finally finished their walk-arounds inspecting every single nook and cranny of the aircraft's exterior making sure there was no FOD.

"So, think we look official?" Harm had the nice looking three stripes on his shoulder marks with a shirt that had the red letters Maple Airways emblazoned on it and Animal had the same shirt but with four stripes on his shoulder marks denoting his captaincy of an aircraft.

"Seems like a bit of a demotion." quipped Harm since he had been a Rear Admiral (lower half) in the Navy. And Animal had been a four-star.

"But this is our baby." Animal grinned as he looked over at his long-time friend.

"Our baby, though you paid for it." Harm grinned. They stepped into the cabin and Mac, Meg and Katie clapped,

They moved up the aisle towards the cockpit as Meg smiled at him. It didn't matter where the passengers sat since the cargo was distributed per weight and balance and frankly it was all their furniture and belongings for two houses. And that would make it so that they wouldn't have to have movers move everything from coast to coast it had taken three days of moving the items from home to airliner and then loading it. What they could do when they reached YVR was to get movers to move the belongings to the houses they bought. And once they had bought new vehicles of their own, they would turn around and get the rest of the small stuff needed.

They really disliked having to sell their vehicles but Harm and Animal realized that the CRJ was not equipped to transport vehicles at all so Harm's Corvette and Animal's favorite Mustang had to go on the sale block unfortunately. And there was a lot of sad looks at their vehicles as they handed over the keys. It was evidently much easier for Meg and Mac to part with theirs than their husbands.

Opening up the door to the cockpit, Animal took left seat, Harm took right.

Affixing their headsets on their heads, Animal started the preflight checklist.

Once that was concluded. He picked up the cabin announcement telephone, "This is your Captain speaking." He grinned as he could hear giggles coming from the cabin. "My first officer and I would like to welcome you to our inaugural flight of Maple Airways direct from Washington Dulles to Vancouver International Airport on the West Coast. Now since at this point we are an incredibly discount airline, I'm sure you are aware that we have no flight attendants. At this time we would like to direct your attention to the back of the aircraft. That is the kitchen..." He paused, "And the bathroom. Please make sure which one is which before you make use of the facilities." There was helpless laughter coming from the passenger cabin and Harm was nearly bent over double. "When you look at the menu provided for today's flight, please do not complain to our non-existent flight attendants about the menu selection. There is a microwave in the kitchen. Please heat it yourself. Our flight today will be at a cruising altitude of oh my god the cars look like little tiny specks on the road and the people look like ants which roughly translates to about thirty-two thousand feet and our total flight time will be five hours and sixteen minutes or ten hours if we run into headwinds. At that point we will ask you to pray to the Virgin Mary because it will take a miracle to make it to our destination without running out of fuel." Animal paused to take a breath. "Please take a moment to look at our ex-Air Canada flight safety briefing card conveniently located in the handy literature pouch located on the back of the seat in front of you. Ours are still located at the printers in Vancouver. Please look around and locate the emergency doors in the cabin. Since we are flying the plane we cannot show them to you ourselves since we are tied to our seats with a five point harness. If there is a sudden loss of cabin pressure please stop screaming. That will only use up all the remaining air in the cabin. You may find oxygen masks deploying in the case of such an emergency. Put your own mask on before you help your children in order of the one with the most potential for taking care of you in the future first. You may or may not decide to help your husbands last; in this case since your husbands are the ones flying the plane. You had better hope they have their masks on or it will be a guaranteed rough landing. In the case of a water landing, your seat cushions can be used as a personal flotation device or to beat off sharks if someone ever manages to figure out how to deploy the multi-man rafts. If we are encountering sharks we have had something seriously go wrong with our internal navigation system because our flight today is not supposed to go that far south." Harm was slapping his hands on his lap by this time convulsed in laughter. " We'd like to thank you for flying Maple Airways (not like our inaugural flight passengers had any choice in the matter) and we hope that you have a wonderful flight." A peal of laughter rang out that Harm distinctly recognized as Animal's wife and he grinned. Meg's laughter was infectious. How Animal had managed to come up with that flight safety spiel on his own without writing it down first was impressive.

"Oh my god..." Mac gasped to Meg. "I don't know whether to laugh helplessly or be stark-raving terrified.. Your husband would have a future in stand-up comedy." Meg grinned; she knew her husband had a wicked sense of humour.

"Don't worry, we're in good hands." Meg reassured her friend. The two friends could hear the turbines starting up as the aircraft was pushed back from the parking area to the taxi-way.

In the cockpit, Animal was going over the switches and making sure each checklist was throughly completed. Their wives and Animal's daughter were in the back of the plane and that made it even more important to be thorough.

"Tower, Charlie Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner. Dulles Tower. Taxi clearance?"

"Roger, Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner, Taxi using Delta to Foxtrot hold short 3-6 left for further instructions."

"Dulles Tower, Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner, Taxi Delta to Foxtrot will hold short 3-6 left for further instructions."

Easing throttles forward slightly so that the CRJ-700 rolled forward at a slow pace. Animal taxied the airliner forward. Looking for Taxiway Delta. "Have to find Foxtrot." Animal said to Harm who was looking out the starboard window.

Harm nodded as he found it, "there it is at your one o'clock? See it?"

"Yeah I got it." Trundling down Foxtrot, Animal applied brakes upon reaching the hold short line. "Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner, Dulles Tower. Holding short Runway 3-6 Left. Awaiting further instructions"

"Dulles Tower to Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner, proceed Foxtrot to Yankee and hold short 6-8 Right for an incoming Boeing 747-400."

"Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner to Dulles Tower copy proceed Foxtrot to Yankee, hold short 6-8 Right for incoming 747-400."

"Pretty busy traffic for a Wednesday afternoon, unless we're talking commuter traffic." Harm noted the various commuter size jets that criss-crossed the continental US that were arrayed across the field. In fact the 737s 757s and 767s were still in use by airlines all across North America. Animal noted a B737-500 that was an Aeromexico flight just in front of him followed closely by a Air Alaska 737-300. There were quite a number of the older Boeings that were still in service.

"Dulles Tower, Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner,. Holding short 6-8 Right. Waiting for the 747-400."

"Landed two minutes ago. Waiting for vortices to clear then you're cleared for departure on 6-8 Right. Will notify."

Animal picked up the phone again. "keep an ear out for the tower."

"Ladies, please put your electronics away and your tray tables in the upright position as we proceed to wait for clearance to take-off. Also make sure that your seat-belts are securely fastened and your seats are in the upright position, thank you. The temperature is a balmy 72 degrees Fahrenheit or twenty three degrees Celsius at our destination."

More giggles from the cabin area as the passengers hastily did as ordered. After all, the Captain of a plane had command authority.

Mac smirked as she looked over at Meg. "Your husband is a riot.". Meg smirked back.

"Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner, Dulles Tower, vortices have cleared. You can proceed to the runway and depart."

"Dulles Tower, Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner, clear runway acknowledged, proceeding onto runway 6-8 Right; cleared to depart."

"Foxtrot Echo Six Eight Niner, Cleared to depart, have a good flight."

Animal lined up the nose-wheel on the runway's center-line. Final checks and then a steady hand on the throttles as he eased them forward. "Rolling"

"Speed is good" Harm stated as he watched the airspeed indicator, "engines are steady. Airspeed is 80, 90, 120. V1."

"V2 Rotate." The CRJ went light on the wheels and the nose came up as the rear wheels came off the runway and she was airborne.

And Harm and Animal and their families were off to their new post-Navy life.